Thanksgiving is a time for family and friends. It’s also the time to show off the ridiculous kitchen tools and utensils you’ve collected over the years. With these useful and useless products, everyone will wonder what the hell to get you for Christmas.

No one really needs a pair of turkey lifters, but if you ever needed an excuse for owning these mini-pitchforks, here ya go: It’s for Thanksgiving, so it’s okay. And, if they somehow end up sticking out of the lawn after being used in some sort of new family sport you just invented, so be it. It’s Thanksgiving. –

RSVP Endurance Stainless Steel Turkey Lifter, Set of 2

Add some fun and terror to your turkey and get yourself a turkey baster that looks like it belongs in a hospital. This red-bulb juice shooter will ensure your meat is moist, and we better end this sentence before it gets too weird.

Zyliss Turkey Baster and Flavor Injector with Cleaning Brush

This gravy boat is in the shape of a boat, because it’s a boat. And it’s the Titanic, because everyone loves disasters at Thanksgiving.

Accoutrements Titanic Gravy Boat

Fools and beasts mash potatoes with their hands. Civilized folk use electricity to teach those potatoes a lesson. An electric potato masher is great for using once and then selling at a garage sale for 75 cents.

Dash Masha 2X

That $20 electric knife is fine for cutting everyday chicken and removing tattoos, but Thanksgiving comes just once a year, so you need this $2,500 Nesmuk carving blade. Go ahead and leave the price tag on, or else what the hell is the point?

Nesmuk EXKLUSIV Full Damascus Slicer, 6″

Freshly ground pepper and salt taste so much better and will certainly hide the fact that the corn came from a can. Of course, true Thanksgiving warriors let a robot do all the work with these pricey ($99!) electric salt and pepper shakers.

Cole & Mason Electric Salt & Pepper Mills

You are the best Thanksgiving utensil of them all, so you’d better look good on Turkey Day with this unique, classy apron. It’s funnier than the Pilgrim hat, and less offensive than your Native American costume.

Beistle Company Unisex Adult Thanksgiving Novelty Apron Adult

How about dessert with a side of math? The Pi Plate is so stupid it’s awesome.

Mathematical Pi Symbol Pie Plate

Take a moment and check your current salad tongs. Are they shaped like a monkey holding cymbals? If not, you’re doing it wrong and everything will be ruined. RUINED!

Fred & Friends TING TING TONGS Cymbal Monkey Salad Tongs